For a small town like Dayton, there sure are a lot of interesting
people. Dayton is the county seat for Rhea County. Yep, you guessed it,
it is the same Dayton that had that stupid publicity stunt called the
"famous monkey trial". Oh, grandpa sure was right about that one, yep...

Let me tell you something that happened to me today. Well, our dryer
has been torn up for a few weeks now. I have been putting off buying
a new one since the old washing machine seems to purr along just fine.

I'm certain that I could simply replace the heating element in the
dryer and it would work just fine for many more years to come. But I
was sort of waiting until the washer tore up so I could just go and buy
a brand new matching set.

Well, I don't know how good the logic is of that sort of thinking but in
a way just me writing this crazy article, and ALL the ones to follow,
are just as crazy, or should I say "highly illogical".

What?

I was on my way to Wal-Mart to buy some cheap Chinese made stuff.

I like saving money at Wal-Mart and although I blab my mouth off
about how these Super Wal-Marts come into small towns and totally
kill all the mom and pop businesses, I still like saving that good old
American dollar when I can. So I guess to such extent, I have a touch
of hypocrisy in me in that regard.

I know, you will find by reading some things that I will write, as well
as lots of other articles and "things" that I have written in the past
show that I detest a damn hypocrite.

Anyways, as I was on my way to Wal-Mart I was traveling down the
street approaching a sharp curve to the left when this 4 wheel drive
truck came around the curve slowly, but the truck not only turned into
my lane, they were driving straight toward me in my lane. After I
peeled the car seat from the crack of my tightened ass, I attempted
to stop, or at least slow the hell down so as to remotely soften this
pain that's about to come, Iswannie...

Even though I could have been a good boy and not blown my car horn,
I blew the horn anyway. Well, the truck was driven by this God awful
ugly woman struggling to turn the steering wheel to the truck which
had these big monster tires on it. Maybe the power steering was out,
I don't know. I didn't bother to ask.

So here I sit completely stopped while this ugly bleach blond woman
was struggling to turn the steering wheel as if the power steering
pump was broke or something, but as she got next to me she gave
"ME" the meanest damn look and then gave me the middle finger.

Yep, this ugly corn fed woman scared the hell outta me yet gives me
the famous "go to hell" look and shot me a damn bird. Geeez Ussss.
Dayton has never claimed title of having the most prettiest gals in the
land either, and rightly so.

So to summarize, I was driving from point A to point B minding my
own business, as I always do, when an ugly woman while attempting to
drive a truck with obvious defective steering nearly hit me while I
was sitting still in my lane. Sure I blew the horn to warn this ugly
woman that she was getting close to hitting my car, and what I got for
my "being nice" was having her shoot me a bird. That's like Fric
thumpin' old Frac in the (_*_) and not having the common decency to
give him a reach around. Awful.

Lesson learned: I have learned that I should not blow my horn at an
ugly woman trying to drive a 3,000 pound hunk of junk that was inches
away from tearing off the front clip of my car.

Then again, maybe the lesson I learned is that next time when I blow
my horn I'll just shoot a bird first.

But then again, I could have just sat patiently in my car and been
affable, but "affable" rhymes with "laughable".

So here's your sign lady...
The
Dayberry News
"Dayberry's REAL Information Source"
The Ugly Woman
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